Paradise & God’s Portion

Posted on May 1, 2012 by jasonbentley

Everything comes from God, but a portion belongs to God.

We need to periodically be reminded of this because it’s one of the first principles  in the Bible. Therefore, as a first principle, it establishes a dominant, reoccurring big idea throughout the scripture.

Just after God animates a ball of mud shaped by His own hands, breathes into it and names it Adam, He places the first person in a perfect world. What a blessing to live in paradise.

Imagine God walking Adam and Eve through Eden, excitedly pointing out their blessings, with the instruction to enjoy it all: “Guys, look what I gave you. Check this out. Check that out. It’s all yours. Do whatever you want with it. In fact, paradise has limitless growth potential if you will just work it and manage it well. I’m not putting any hindrances or guidelines on it.  Enjoy the blessings of Paradise!”

After sharing their long inventory of blessings and opportunities, He tells them that one tree is off limits. “Everything is yours except for one portion of paradise- don’t eat from that one tree.” The tree of the knowledge of good and evil belonged to God. For whatever reason, it was His portion.

We all know what happened next.

Here’s what we need to understand- the first sin had nothing to do with eating an apple. It had some to do with disobedience. It had a lot to do with taking the portion that belongs to God.

Because of God’s unchanging goodness, we live in a paradise of financial opportunity where we have been given the power to be successful(Deuteronomy 8:18.) Every day, our hard work produces some degree of financial increase. Every month, smart money management decides how we use those blessings and insures we keep all those opportunities. Our financial paradise has virtually limitless growth potential if we continue to work hard and manage it well. Even though it has all come from God, He wants us to enjoy the abundant blessings of paradise.

However, a portion belongs to Him. That portion is called a tithe. A tithe means 10% of whatever financial increase we get. “A tithe of everything belongs to the Lord; it is holy to the Lord(Leviticus 27:30 NIV)”

That’s exactly why Jesus said in the gospels of Matthew and Luke, “Yes, you should tithe.”

It is impossible to have the full favor and blessing of God while disregarding His portion, holding on to it, and consuming it as if it was yours.

Whatever degree of financial paradise you’re experiencing, and whatever tax bracket you’re living in, remember that a portion belongs to God. Make sure you tithe. Don’t fall into the same trap that caught Adam and Eve where they ignored the 90% God gave them to enjoy and focused on the 10% that was God’s.

I’ve talked with people who are obsessed with God’s portion. “You mean to tell me I have to give God $100 of my $1000 paycheck.” Don’t mess up paradise ignoring the $900 while obsessing over the $100. Instead, celebrate that God gave you $900. Leave His portion alone.

3 questions to consider concering God’s portion and your paradise:

1. When you experience financial increase, do you recognize where it came from and where it’s going?

2. What currently fills your hand that should be in the hand of God?

3. After honoring God with His portion, how are you fully enjoying and maximizing the paradise He has given you?

Enjoy the blessings of paradise!

 

 

 

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Why Jesus Died

Posted on April 6, 2012 by jasonbentley

Today is “Good Friday.” It’s probably the only day associated with death that is identified as “good.” Why did Jesus die? Why is this a good thing?

Below are some insights that I compiled from a sermon preached by Pastor Mark Driscoll. As you read & reflect, my prayer is that you embrace Jesus as your Lord and Savior. If your faith has already been placed in Him, I hope that reading this brings a fresh perspective to His death so that you will have a renewed appreciation.

“Why Jesus Died”

  • Jesus death is the key for your life.
  • Some of you are Christians. Some of you aren’t.
  • Some of you claim Christianity, but are living a life of hypocrisy.
  • Whoever you are, Jesus death is the key for your life.
  • The cross of Jesus becomes obscure for us because we’ve never seen a crucifixion.
  • One of the reasons the Bible doesn’t give us details of the crucifixion is because the original audience would have already been familiar with the details, having seen it regularly in their culture.
  • You have heard about the crucifixion many times but this can mean little to you if you haven’t really understood what it means.
  • Crucifixion originally began with impaling, running a spike through someone and putting them in the ground to die.
  • Over time, it was perfected, especially by the Persians and then the Roman empire.
  • In the time of the Roman empire, it was common. There was even a mass Jewish uprising and many were crucified during the time of Jesus. Jesus may have seen this.
  • On the day Spartacus lost in battle, 6,000 people were crucified.
  • Crucifixion was done regularly and publicly, in places like our malls today. It was a form of state-sponsored terror. The goal being to tell people, “Don’t believe what this person was teaching or saying.”
  • The worst kinds of people showed up to watch a crucifixion, sometimes gambling to see how long people would live.
  • Sometimes people who were crucified would live for up to nine days, naked, in their own feces, and hung at eye level so that people could look you in the eye as you were dying, bleeding, sweating, and incontinent.
  • They occasionally crucified women, though very rarely, and when they did, they did so backwards so that they couldn’t see the look on the women’s faces.
  • Those crucified, painfully died of asphyxiation. Some people tried to commit suicided by giving up and trying to expedite their death by slumping on the cross.
  • It was the most miserable way to die. We invented a word for it, “excruciating.” It means, from the cross.
  • Roman citizens could not even be crucified, and Cicero said that decent Roman citizens shouldn’t even speak of it. And Josephus, a noted historian in Jesus’ time, called it the most wretched of deaths.
  • I tell you this so that you can have an understanding of how the worst thing was done to the best man.
  • I grew up in youth group and heard a lot that Jesus died for me, but that didn’t mean anything.
  • The talk was always about what you should do and not what Jesus has done for you.
  • Jesus’ death is the key to your life.
  • Of all the possible symbols, early Christians chose the cross as the symbol of Christianity. It could have been the dove that descended on Jesus at his baptism. It could have been the rainbow at Noah’s coming out of the ark. It could have been loaves and fishes. But it was the cross they chose.
  • The cross was an emblem of suffering and shame.
  • Some of you have heard of Jesus but only in the category of Gandhi or Martin Luther King because you’re at some university that puts Him in the category of just another good man.
  • Jesus is God, not just a good man.
  • And we murdered God.
  • Some of you are liberal and think little about the death of Jesus and instead focus on how he loved children, served the poor, and healed the sick.
  • None of those things are the reason he was put to death. He was not put to death for feeding the poor and loving children.
  • He was put to death for continually, emphatically, saying, “I am God.”
  • I want you to contend with that. I want you to wrestle with that. I want you to decide if that is true.
  • Don’t do what so many do, serving a Jesus who offends no one and dies for no reason.
  • Jesus sweated blood in the Garden of Gethsemane, a condition that only happens under extreme stress.
  • Jesus’ friends failed him. And one betrayed him. Have you been betrayed? Your God has.
  • His arrest was not a trial. It was a lynching.
  • He was blindfolded and then was beat incessantly. Have you ever had a beating? We did that to God, mercilessly.
  • Then they mocked him and had him scourged.
  • Here’s what we’re doing right now. We’re not talking about you. Everyone talks about you. You’re the most selfish, childish generation in US history. My generation was before yours. So, thank you. You know what everyone puts on Facebook? Pictures of themselves. You know what everyone talks about on Facebook? Themselves. The center of the universe is not you.
  • I want to talk to you about Jesus because some of you come from churches and families that are always talking about you and not Jesus.
  • I want to talk to you about Jesus, the real Jesus. Not the Jesus you are trying to fit in your busy schedule.
  • Jesus was then scourged, which would cause many men to simply die. They would strip him naked, strap his wrists to a pole, and then two men would take turns whipping, one on each side.
  • There was a handle, out of which came leather strips with stone and metal balls to tenderize the flesh. At the end of the balls were hooks that would then tear at the man’s flesh.
  • Many men died from scourging alone because it would scar all the way down to the deep tissue. Occasionally a man’s rib would literally come flying off his body.
  • Isaiah prophesied that Jesus would be marred beyond recognition. You wouldn’t have recognized Jesus.
  • Be careful when you say to friends, “Jesus died for your sins,” and then move on with a smile.
  • Then he was forced to carry his cross to the place where he’d be crucified, and though Jesus was young and healthy, he collapsed under the weight of the cross bar of the cross. It was the equivalent of blunt force trauma to his chest.
  • He then had the equivalent of railroad ties driven into the most sensitive parts of his body, his wrists and feet.
  • Jesus is raised up on the cross and people are mocking him, his enemies are there, and who does he see? His own mother, Mary.
  • Many would mock the crowd from the cross, but Jesus didn’t. He was like a lamb led to slaughter.
  • There were two men by Jesus being crucified. One was bossy (some things never change). The other said, “Do you know who you’re talking to? We’ve sinned and deserve death. This man has committed no sin.” He looked to Jesus and in his own way apologized and asked Jesus to save him. And Jesus does, saying, “Today, you’ll be with me in paradise.”
  • We don’t save ourselves. Jesus saves.
  • Jesus looks down at John, his dear friend, and says, “Look after my mom.”
  • Jesus, while bleeding, hanging, and dying, says things like, “Father forgive them!” What gracious words.
  • The Bible says the soldiers took a sponge filled with sour wine and then pressed it to his lips.
  • One of the most important decisions you’ll ever make is who your God is.
  • I read in my Bible where they gave Jesus the sponge with sour wine and I thought that was nice. I thought it showed that there was a little kindness.
  • During the time Jesus was cruficied, there were buildings with all these seats in a rectangle and they all faced each other- ancient bathrooms.
  • In front of the series of toilets was an opening with water and that was how they would clean themselves. Those who would afford it would hire a slave, and the slave would come with a long sponge with wine vinegar to wipe them.
  • Jesus on the cross spoke kind things but to shut him up they stuck that sponge in his mouth. There was no goodness. There was no kindness. There was no affection for Jesus.
  • And Jesus cries from the cross, “My God, why have you forsaken me.” In that moment, the God turned his back on the man Jesus. In that moment, Jesus substituted himself for us and became our sin.
  • In the garden of Eden we substituted ourselves for God. We want to be God.
  • We don’t want Jesus to be God. We want to be God and have Jesus do what we tell him to, like give us a girlfriend, a job, a car. When it doesn’t happen, we get frustrated.
  • God humbles himself and comes to us and reverses that substitution.
  • The first substitution brought death; the second brings life.
  • The first substitution brought shame; the second brings hope.
  • 1 Corinthians 5:21 says, reflecting back on the moment when Jesus said, “My God, why have you forsaken me,” “God made him who knew no sin to become sin so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” Martin Luther called this the great exchange.
  • What happened to Jesus should happen to you and me. He substituted himself.
  • This was not poor, meek, weak Jesus. This was triumphant Jesus. He said, “No one takes my life from me. I will lay it down and I will pick it up.” Jesus knew his death was going to be for our life. He laid his life down willingly.
  • Then Jesus said, “It is finished.” He shouted it out in a loud victory. This could indicate that Jesus didn’t die through asphyxiation. He had sufficient air to shout a victory cry. I believe that Jesus possibly suffered a deep chest contusion when the cross fell on him. It’s possible that as he shouted that he was dying of a heart attack and knew it was last minute.
  • It’s possible that Jesus not only died literally but also figuratively of a broken heart.
  • They ran a spear into his side and blood and water poured out. That is not supposed to happen unless you have a chest contusion and a heart attack.
  • Many of you come from religious homes. I apologize because there are two enemies of Jesus: sin and religion.
  • Jesus Christ was without sin and wasn’t religious.
  • When we sin, we’re not just breaking God’s laws. We’re breaking God’s heart.
  • Some of you don’t see Jesus as a person. You just see him as a lawmaker and a giver of rules and regulations and an absentee father.
  • Some of you will say to hell with him for his rules. Others will try to be the good kid and make it all about following the rules.
  • God is father who loves his children, and Jesus is a big brother who takes care of you through the cross.
  • When we sin, we’re not just breaking the laws of an absent father but the heart of Jesus. He’s a personal, loving, relational God.
  • Jesus was then buried and on the third day he rose from the dead.
  • In your classes you’re told this couldn’t happen. We know it’s unusual. That’s why we call it a miracle.
  • Some of you don’t believe. For you, there was a guy named Thomas. He said, “I won’t believe it until I see myself.” Jesus showed up, and Thomas fell down and worshiped.
  • Jesus’ enemies started worshiping him as God, such as Saul, who killed Christians and eventually became an apostle of the church.
  • James wrote a book of the Bible worshiping Jesus, his brother, as God. Any of you have brothers? Would you worship them as God?
  • Jesus own mother worshiped him as God. If you had sinned, who would know? Your mother. I double-dog dare you to text your mom and say you believe you lived a sinless life. She will remind you of your worst moments and that you were basically a very short demon.
  • Yet, Jesus’ mom agreed he lived a sinless life.
  • Crowds up to 500 people saw Jesus alive after his death at the same time. Some say it was an illusion, but 500 people don’t see the same illusion at the same time.
  • Today, billions are Christians.
  • Men who were previously cowards became courageous Christians. Peter is a prime example having denied Jesus three times to a young girl. He say Jesus raised from death and becomes a bold, courageous man. He worships his friend as God, and when it comes time for him to be put to death, they say if you do not deny Jesus, we will crucify you. And Peter boldly, simply states, “Feel free to crucify me, but I’m not worthy to die like Jesus. Hang me upside down.” Why? He saw Jesus conquer death and no longer feared death.

     

In closing, Jesus death is the source of your life, and your life is to glorify him.

  • All of this is accessed through faith. You have to believe and keep believing. It’s not a decision you make. It’s a decision you continually make. It is believing that connects you to Christ. Don’t rely on the faith of your parents. Make your own decision.
  • In Jesus alone, you can be forgiven. Your problem is not low self-esteem. It is sin and guilt. You don’t need to feel better. You need to be forgiven. Jesus alone forgives. Some of you aren’t depressed; you’re guilty. Some of you don’t have a bad self image. You instead see yourself clearly. Culture says you’re a good person and that you need to nurture your inner self. Lies. You’re a sinner in need of forgiveness from Jesus.
  • The good news is that Jesus makes you clean. The first thing we need to do before pointing out what’s wrong with the world is to recognize what is wrong with us and repent. We are the problem, not the solution. Jesus is the solution. That starts with humility and brokenness that compels us to Jesus for forgiveness and righteousness. We don’t have to pay God back, try harder, and do better. We have to trust Jesus who makes us acceptable in the sight of God. We don’t work for our righteousness. We work from it in Jesus. Some of you feel dirty because of what you’ve done and because of what has been done to you. Jesus makes you clean.
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Fixing the Focus

Posted on September 30, 2011 by jasonbentley

If you wear corrective lenses, watch movies, use binoculars, or get dizzy, you know how frustrating anything out of focus can be. Unfortunately, stuff gets out of focus way too easily. Life is the same way. We lose focus- students get distracted, relationships get neglected, and businesses get complacent.

It’s hard to pursue your mission when things get out of focus. When your mission is forgotten or fuzzy, mission drift occurs. Mission drift is simply moving away from what you should be spending your time and money doing.

Unfortunately, this happens to churches and the best of Christians. Jesus Christ, the founder of HighPoint Church, made our mission clear in Matthew 28: 19-20 NLT “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. 20 Teach these new disciples to obey all
the commands I have given you.”

In other words, our mission is to elevate the lives of people who are far from God and who do not have a relationship with Him.

The only way we can carry out this mission of elevating the lives of people who are far from God and who do not have a relationship with Him is to keep our focus on those outside of our church. Although events and activities for our members are important, our primary focus remains on constantly reaching new people. As it has been said before, “we
are fishers of men, not keepers of the aquarium.”

We deliberately cater to guests and new people. That’s why:

  • it’s new people who receive free gifts, free dinners, free t shirts, etc.
  • we show informational videos every week
  • we provide coffee, fruit, muffins and doughnuts on Sundays
  • spend time making sure our signs, staging, materials, and set up look excellent
  • host connect groups
  • give tithes and offerings
  • serve in ministries

Don’t be so self focused that our mission gets out of focus. We’re not here to keep our members entertained. We’re here to make friendships with non Christians, serve the city, be salt and light, and celebrate everyone who repents and gets baptized.

Time, money, efforts, energy, and resources get invested in carrying out the mission. Therefore, don’t be surprised or offended when we do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get new people saved and discipled.

Please, help me fix our focus. Friends Day is coming up on Sunday, October 30. Bring people who have never been to our church before. Fill empty seats with your neighbors, co workers, friends from school, and complete strangers you meet at the store.

Remember our focus so we can carry out our mission:

Every ethnic race- Anglo, Hispanic, African, Asian; because every
race matters to God.

Every generation- builders, boomers, busters, millennials;
because every generation matters to God.

Every economic level- poor, middle, rich; because every group
matters to God.

Every nation- this includes nations with a poor or hostile
relationship with the USA; because every nation matters to God.

Every tribe- Aboriginal, Maori, Cherokee, Muckleshoot;
because every tribe matters to God.

Every culture- pre-moderns, moderns, post-moderns; because
every culture matters to God.

Every faith- Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist or Atheist; because
every faith and lack of faith matters to God.

 

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Summer of Love- Like A Boss

Posted on August 11, 2011 by jasonbentley

Right now at HighPoint, we are celebrating the summer of love by taking a look at matters of the heart- relationships, marriage, dating, giving, sex, etc. What you are about to read is by a prolific writer named Don Miller who authored the New York Times bestseller “Blue Like Jazz” and who posts regular blogs at www.donmilleris.com

This contribution is for all you single guys- teens, young adults, divorced, etc. You know, all the dudes that want to be the man, who want to live like a boss, or who are just thinking about the future and want to do things God’s way- this blog is for you!

Any great story contains the following elements:

• A person (or group of people)

• That wants something.

• And are willing to overcome conflict.

• To get it.

A great love story is no different. In a love story, a guy, wants a girl, and is willing to fight the dragon, to get her. Or at least some variation on this theme.

If you’re like me, though, you don’t like to sit and watch romantic movies. If it’s a comedy, I can bear it, but I’m the guy who fast-forwards romantic dialogue they throw in to endear a female audience. I could care less.

That said, though, men were designed by God to live a great love story.

But there’s a difference between men and women, here. Men were not designed to have love stories “happen to them” as much as they were designed to “make a love story happen to a woman.” Do you understand. You’re the writer of the story. You’re the guy who initiates and has the character to follow through. You’re the one responsible for how the love story turns out.

I think we can all agree we live in a culture of guys who couldn’t write a love story to save their lives. Honestly, American love stories suck. If you want a girl to be crazy about you, you’ve got so little competition that it’s easier than ever.

The only thing is, it looks nothing like the sappy stuff Hollywood is selling to our current culture of women who are, perhaps, lost in fantasy. Those kinds of stories have men stuttering about feeding women’s egos by falling all over themselves and practically peeing their pants. In real life, women think those guys are losers. A woman wants a man who is confident, who knows where he is going, and knows exactly where she fits into his life. Her preference, of course, is that she fits into his life as a best friend, lover, wife, and the mother of their children. At lest that’s the case in the love stories I want to talk about in this blog.

Women do like bad guys for a period of time. Usually, this lasts between the ages of 18 to about 24.The reason is simple. Their bodies are looking for somebody who is strong enough to defend their offspring, and they mistake strength for, well, the general characteristics of a jerk.

But, as she gets a little older, a woman’s chemistry begins to change and she enters into a more mature understanding of strength. As a woman matures, she literally loses interest in the bad guys and looks for somebody more dependable. She loses interest in guys who can’t be faithful and, well, can’t seem to stop smoking pot. After that, women become interested in stable, well adjusted men headed somewhere that involves safety, security and emotional stability. That’s where you come in because the real love stories, the ones that don’t end with her bailing her loser boyfriend out of jail, or worse, catching him with another woman, happen when two healthy people finally find each other. If you’re reading this and you’re young, you might have to put up with a few years of girls chasing guys with tattoos on motorcycles, but don’t worry about that. You start down a solid career path and girls will be knocking down your door in a few years. I promise.

Most people think love stories only benefit women. But don’t be fooled. There’s a lot in this for you. A man can have sex with a thousand women and he’ll never feel as masculine as he will be leading a woman through a good love story. God designed it so a man felt his most powerful while guiding a woman through an amazing love story.

Love stories, though, are told through sacrifice, patience and pain. It may take you five years or more to get your act together, but when you do, every woman around you will recognize a potential leading man in the love story they are dreaming about.

Here are some things to work on to lead a woman through a great love story.

Want something. Every story involves a person who wants something, and you’re love story can’t be any different. First of all, you should want some kind of career or impact. You should want make the world a better place and you should be very focused and dedicated to making this happen. This means going to college, starting a company, coaching a team or teaching a class. If you want to make a woman’s dreams come true, pick up your X-box and throw it in the trash and start doing something with your life. Have you ever noticed that  ancient paintings of women always have them draped over a bed or a couch, arms outstretched in rest? And yet the guys are yielding a sword or riding a horse or captaining a ship. That’s because men were designed to work. Want something. Work hard to become good at a craft. Get off your couch and move. My friend Henry Cloud actually recommends that when a father is approached by a young man asking for is daughters hand in marriage, he withholds his blessing until the man presents his last few years worth of tax records. No kidding, it’s true. It’s not because Henry believes the man should make a lot of money, it’s because the young man should be responsible enough to file taxes and have a job. How else is he going to provide for a family. All that to say, part of being a leading man in a love story is being a dependable, action-oriented worker.

Choose the right women to date. The book of Proverbs was primarily written to men, and while there is a great deal of advice in the book about work ethic and finances, a significant percentage of the book is spent warning men to stay away from certain women. Is she seductive? Stay away. Is she nagging? Stay away. Is she sexually promiscuous? Stay away. In my dating history, I’ve dated some amazing women. But on two occasions, I dated girls who were pretty seductive in nature, and I paid dearly. I lost sleep and nearly lost my sanity. I’ll never forget taking a flight to Vancouver BC one night, reading through the book of Proverbs and realizing what the source of my problems was, I was dating a girl the book told me not to date. I broke up with her immediately and sanity returned.

Now this does not mean you shouldn’t date a girl with a past. One of my all-time favorite girlfriends, a girl I consider amazing and will make a terrific wife to somebody some day, actually spent years living with a guy and has a fairly liberal standard regarding sexuality. That said, though, she’s not seductive, and she’s completely honest about her philosophy. In other words, we may not agree about everything regarding sex, but the woman has integrity. I’d take a non-christian woman with integrity over a Christian seductress any day, and I’d be a happier man for making that decision. You want a woman who is looking for a  man, not a woman who is looking for men. Seriously, guys, just stay away from the woman who leads with her seductive side.

Have a plan. Did you know John Wooden, who won 10 National Championships with UCLA actually never won the championships the first 16 years he coached? It’s true. It wasn’t until he sat down one off season and created a plan that he began to succeed, and he’s of the most successful coaches in all of sports. My question to you, then, is do you have a plan? Do you know what kind of father you want to be? Do you know what kind of wife will be required to make your vision come true? If you don’t have a plan, you’re leaving your success up to luck.

Be honorable with the women you date. I made a rule a long time ago and it’s served me well. I told myself I’d never kiss a girl unless I cared deeply about her. For the most part, if not completely, I’ve never kissed a girl I wasn’t dating. Though looking back I think there were a few in there that weren’t quite defined. That said, though, I’ve never used a girl just for sex or just to hook up. I am so grateful for this, because I don’t want my conscious entangled in all that mess. While there are a few girls I’ve dated who may not like me, I think most of them think I’m pretty okay. At least that’s what they’ve told me. So here’s the thing. You can either wreck a girls heart, or build it up. You can either help her understand that she’s beautiful by protecting her heart and her body, or teach her she’s just a girl worth using for sex. To be sure, there are plenty of girls who actually just want to be used for sex, but remember, Proverbs says stay away from these women. Seriously, I’ve taken the bait a couple times and it’s a living nightmare.

Stop validating yourself with women. This is a pretty serious problem for many men, especially men who grew up with womanizing fathers or no fathers at all. Men who do not believe they have what it takes to live life well and with strength will validate themselves with women. They just aren’t sure they’re manly, so they have to test themselves all the time by trying to knock down girl after girl. Even if it’s not sexual, it can be emotional. A guy can get hooked on that feeling of having a girl like him. If you are going to tell a great love story, you are going to have to figure out how to let go of this tendency. Stop validating yourself with women. Stay focused on the one girl you’ve chosen and make it happen with her and her alone.

Stop having sex and learn to make love. I’m amazed at how many women hook up with guys and talk about how terrible the sex was. Seriously, I hear them talk about this all the time. But why? Why would a man who has slept with hundreds of women not be very good in bed? Well, the main reason is a woman wants to connect in ways beyond just a physical connection. Most “players” have no idea how to make love to a woman, precisely because they don’t even care about the woman they are sleeping with on a given night. They are so busy trying to get laid, they take no time to actually find out who she is. Essentially, sex to them is just mutual masturbation. It usually leaves the woman feeling dissatisfied and, well, disgusted and if she’s honest, a little used.

I mean sure she wanted to have sex, but she may have wanted something else, too. A woman often wants a deep, soul connection. Even though she hooked up with a stranger, she was just going through the motions of something else she really wants. She wants words of affirmation and eye contact and playful fun that only happens in intimacy. Why was the sex no good in the hook up? Because the relationship was no good.

That said, start being a man who knows how to connect with women. I’m not suggesting becoming a player. I really think you should only be connecting with a woman who is worthy of becoming your wife. But when she is your wife, make love to her heart, not just her body. As ferociously as possible, find that woman’s heart and connect with it. Learn everything about her and connect with her in as many ways as possible. Understand her story and care about her past. In fact, for the first several months, I wouldn’t even try to make a move. Just get to know her, become her friend, do things with her that she enjoys, take the relationship to the place where you smile when you hear her name. Once you get there, the sex will be great. Once you have earned the respect only a husband deserves, her body will respond in ways she never thought humanly possible, and, for that matter, so will yours.

Bring peace into chaos: I firmly believe that the job of a man is to bring peace into chaos. A man (and a woman too for that matter) can look into an empty field and see a house. He can look into a woman’s lonely heart and see how easily it could be loved. He can walk into a room and settle a group of wild children. Look at your life and ask yourself this question: Wherever I go, do I leave a trail of peace behind me? If not, then start practicing the art of ordering chaos right now. Is there chaos in your personal life? Clean it up. Is there chaos in your relationships? Clean them up. A man brings peace and order into chaos. You have what it takes to do this, I believe it firmly. You were designed to leave a wake of peace everywhere you go.

Surround yourself with good men. Years ago I asked about five guys who didn’t know each other to meet me for breakfast. I hand chose these guys. Each of them were intelligent, driven, successful and emotionally stable. We got together early one morning and I introduced them to each other. Then I did something very strange. I told them we all needed to be friends. I told them the world was in need of good leaders, and good leaders only become good leaders if they affect each other. As odd as it was, that group continued to meet for two years, and now we are all deeply imbedded in each others lives.

Lose your loser friends. This brings me to something hard. If you have some friends who are dragging you down, that is they are knocking down chicks and not applying themselves to a career, it’s time for you to invite them into something better, and then if they don’t want to come, cut them completely out of your life. I’m sorry to say it so bluntly, but it’s time for them to go.

Develop strength. A woman loves a man who can be tender with her, but believe me, while you’re holding her in your arms and she’s being comforted about her hard day, you’d better have a baseball bat behind your back, ready to obliterate anybody who tries to hurt her. Be tender to her, but be absolutely ferocious with anybody who takes advantage of her. If you aren’t a strong man, practice. Take stands, don’t be a pushover, protect the ones you love, and be willing to make a few enemies.

Okay, so what does this have to do with telling a good love story. Well, it has everything to do with telling a good love story. Women don’t just fall in love with flowers and chocolate. All that crap is fine. But what they fall in love with is dependability, strength, kindness, community, structure, strength and character. Being the leading man in a love story is, basically, about being just that, a man that leads. Be a good man, a man with character. Have a vision, lead the story, and be the man she’s been dreaming about.

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Summer of Love- All the Single Ladies

Posted on August 11, 2011 by jasonbentley

Right now at HighPoint, we are celebrating the summer of love by taking a look at matters of the heart- relationships, marriage, dating, giving, sex, etc. What you are about to read is by a prolific writer named Don Miller who authored the New York Times bestseller “Blue Like Jazz” and who posts regular blogs at www.donmilleris.com

This first contribution is for all you single ladies- teens, young adults, divorced, etc. So get ready, cue the Beyonce track, and prepare for a fabulous love story-

Today I’ll talk to the girls, tomorrow I’ll talk to the guys.

Living a great love story doesn’t look like winning the lottery, it looks like training for a marathon. It’s hard work and you have to do the work long before you ever meet Mr. Right, otherwise you’ll be the girl who shows up for the marathon having eaten a gallon of ice cream every night, listening to Taylor Swift songs and watching love stories about vampires. No good man can run with that girl, not for much longer than a mile.

In movies and books, there are formulas for great love stories. Not all movies follow them, but we can depend on a variation on certain themes. They go something like this:

1. Boy meets girl.

2. Boy falls in love with girl.

3. Girl is a bit hesitant knowing her heart is tender and could get hurt.

4. Boy proves himself strong enough to handle and defend her heart.

5. Girl trusts boy and they live happily ever after.

All love stories are different, of course, but these are central themes that weave in and out of the good ones. And if they don’t, the stories are normally tragedies.

Juliet does not trust Romeo right away, for instance, but he pursues her and he wins her love. The same goes with the characters in The Notebook and Twilight (I confess I labored through both) and in the great romantic novels of Jane Eyrie and Charles Dickens and so on and so on.

So, if these are the principles of a great love story, how do we play them out in our lives? How do we live a great love story? Here are some suggestions:

1. Don’t hook up: Girls shouldn’t make it too easy on the guy. Don’t hook up, in other words. A recent article in Scientific American revealed when a girl hooks up with a guy, she esteems him very highly. She may think of him as powerful or famous, somebody who is strong. But the opposite is actually true from the guys perspective. Guys hook up with girls they find less attractive and sexually easy. All they want is sex, and so if they perceive she will give them sex and then get out of their lives, they are going to jump at the chance. The girl may feel very wanted and beautiful but the truth is he’s insulting her. If he thought of her with respect, he’d sit and ask questions about her life and her family. He’d try to get to know her because he wants to develop a friendship and perhaps a romantic relationship. In other words, guys don’t hook up with girls they would marry. They marry the girls they get nervous around and are made to pursue. So, if you become a “hook up” girl you get labeled, in the minds of guys as a girl you really don’t have to fight for. And when your husband finds out you were the “hook up” girl he’s going to have to have a lot of grace, which is fine, it just puts you in the category of “charity” in his mind and not “equal” or “partner.” He may still love you, but he will have serious questions about whether you’re in the kind of shape it takes to run a marathon. Unless you get over it and move on and do a period of time where you put it all behind you, he will and honestly should lose respect for you. Respect is not free. Respect is earned. Grace is free, but grace and respect are different.

2. Make him work for it: When a guy is made to fight for a girl, he esteems her much more highly. She becomes more attractive in his eyes, and for that matter she becomes more attractive to other men, too. That said, most of the time this will backfire because lots of guys are just looking for cheap and slutty sex and for her to get lost afterward. Still, it’s your chance to weed them out. And believe me, girls, there are a lot of weeds.

3. Weed them out: Guys who are just looking for a hook up need to hit the road. By weeding them out you definitely end up with a smaller pool of guys to choose from. It’s unfortunate and that is truly bad news. But there’s good news, too. There are fewer girls with the strength to not have one night stands, and those girls become much, much more attractive to men. Those are the girls who present a challenge, and who are esteemed more highly. These are the girls guys recognize as the kind of women they want to partner with in raising a family. In other words, it’s a great strategy to be more attractive to a smaller group than cheap and easy to a larger group. Plus, the stronger guys are up for the work while the weaker guys are just trying to get laid.

4. Be willing to suffer: What this means for you is that your love story needs to have a lot of lonely crying in it. Believe it or not, there will come a day when a man will fall madly in love with you and you will have the honor of sitting down with him one special night to explain that, while you weren’t perfect, you turned down plenty of guys and and cried yourself to sleep hoping somebody would come around and treat you with respect. He will be honored by this, and he will love you and feel humbled. If he doesn’t have the same story, he will feel intensely convicted and unworthy. You’ll really be giving him the foundation he needs to love your heart.

5. Have some faith: I’ve noticed that most women who complain a good man won’t come along are actually interested in the wrong guys. They make lists of their perfect gentleman coming to rescue them meanwhile they’re hooking up with guys who have a track record of just having sex with random women. Really? Your husband won’t really care what you say, he will care what you do. We tell our love stories with our actions, not our words. Life isn’t a Taylor Swift song, with all the hardship left out. It works more like a Normal Mailer novel, with all the gritty garbage left in. Stop falling for the romantic version of life, and start realizing that a romantic story is told with an enormous amount of pain, sacrifice, suffering and patience.

6. Don’t be thirteen: Unless you’re thirteen, ladies, grow up. Many women claim that men just won’t grow up, but then you sit and talk to them and realize they haven’t grown up either. They aren’t strong enough to demand something more from their men. They aren’t strong enough to say no to a guy who just wants to use them. These are all elements of immaturity. And it’s the stuff of a bad love story. A good man will attract a good woman. And a victim will attract a predator. Stop acting like a victim. If you want a strong man who can protect you and your children, stop trolling for predators by crying all the time. Act like a dignified woman who believes her company is valuable and should come at a price.

So, if you want a great love story, start training for it today. Start suffering, like somebody training for a marathon. Do the pain, suffer through the nights where you cry in your pillow, have some faith and stop cheapening your love story with scenes you’ll never be able to edit out.

You’re love story may not work, it’s true. Plenty of them don’t. But the chances of your love story succeeding are greatly increased when, on race day, you can actually run.

So, what do you do if you’ve completely screwed this up:

1. Be honest about it. Don’t hide it. If you went through a slutty season, don’t act like you were a helpless victim, a sweet girl who got caught up. You probably weren’t. A confession and an excuse are entirely different. Excuses talk about being hurt or drunk or being lied to. Confessions start with a radical and real understanding of how bad your human nature actually is and how you were caught up in a selfish search for validation and pleasure. Don’t lie to yourself and don’t lie to him. Don’t act like the sweet girl who “accidentally made twenty-five mistakes.” He won’t trust you because what you say and what you’ve done are different.

No good man is going to marry a woman with multiple personalities. And besides that, you’d be surprised at how much unbelievable trust you can build by being brutally honest. You shouldn’t share a bunch of details, but you should definitely share you went through a slutty season and have very few, if any, excuses. But now you want more. Now you want to put that behind you and build a love story. Honesty is very rare, and an honest girl is a girl you can build a family with, regardless of her past. I really mean this, too. If you’re brutally honest about your motives (keep the details vague, ladies. I’m serious about this. He doesn’t need visual images) then you ARE BUILDING TRUST and he can love you. If you play the victim, he’s going to walk away. And he should. A victim is great material for a counselor, but not for a husband.

2. Find out why you did what you did. Why are you capable of having sex without love or commitment? What are you using sex to accomplish? When those questions are a mystery to you, you aren’t healthy enough to get married and no good man should marry you. Those questions need to be answered and understood in a way that the two of you can build on as a foundation.

3. Start training for the freaking marathon. Marriage is the hardest job you’ll ever have. It works nothing like  a hookup. The sex is more sloppy and vulnerable and affected by all kinds of emotional contexts. If you’re used to one off sex acts where you’re having crazy experiences, you’re husband is never going to be able to match up  because, well, he’s got to stick around and do the laundry and argue with you about the electricity bill. That’s not sexy stuff, that’s the stuff of real love stories. It feels boring in the moment, but twenty years in you’ll be crying your eyes out over this man who stuck with you through the thick and thin and who honestly didn’t care that you got fat! Why not give yourself to the one who didn’t care whether you got fat than give yourself to the one who makes you feel like you’ve got to throw up after eating a lolly-pop? That kind of love story sucks so stop living it!

4. Work through your need to be validated by men. You’re going to marry a man, not men. So cut the slutty dresses and facebook photos. Start acting like a woman a man can partner with to build a family, not a woman who would make a great romp on a drunk and emotionally foggy friday night. And stop using alcohol as an excuse. Nobody gets drunk and accidentally sleeps with a hamster. You know what you’re doing, drunk or not, so cut it out. In other words, become the woman who fits the character in the love story you want to live.

5. Don’t act. Don’t pretend. Don’t pretend to be a wholesome girl who is starting over when you’re secretly still wanting to hook up. These changes need to be internal and they need to be real. You are going to have to go through the withdrawal of using guys for validation. If it helps, just know you’ll stand before God one day and you want him to be proud of you. That’s the only thing that helped me stop validating myself with women. I couldn’t do it for Paige, but I could do it for God. Turns out God loves Paige more than I do. Go figure. Anyway, get over the acting part and start doing the real living part. Every great story demands enormous sacrifice. Start sacrificing your validation with other men to make a real love story happen.

Tell a great love story and you’ll dazzle the world. Do the work and enjoy the benefits. The world needs some great love stories, but few people are willing to do what it takes to tell them. No wonder we all love them so much.

Do you want a great love story. Do you want to run the marathon it takes to be married to the same man after fifty years. Do you want him to look you in the eyes with so much respect it bring tears to his. If you do, start training for the marathon. No good story comes easy. A great love story is still possible. Go for it!

* Will you do me a favor and print this blog out and read it with the women in your life who you love, especially the young women who are dating? I think you’ll be shocked at what a great conversation you’ll have when we talk openly about what it takes to live a real love story.

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Getting the Most Out of Life

Posted on August 4, 2011 by jasonbentley

Let’s start with my confession- I have felt bad asking for church volunteers. In the back of my mind I’m thinking, “I know how busy people are! How can I expect them to add one
more thing to their busy schedules?  I understand that I am supposed to “equip the saints for service”; but how can I do this when they are already maxed out?”

The last thing I want to do is put pressure on someone or make them feel guilty because they can’t serve. I wonder, though, if we could look at serving differently? What if instead of thinking we are putting a burden on someone, we are giving them the opportunity to enjoy their lives more?

Consider the following:

According to a recent survey of people who volunteer…

68% say it makes them feel physically healthier,
73% say it lowers their stress level,
92% say it enriches their sense of purpose in life!

*from Success Magazine, 9/10

This gives us three great reasons people should volunteer; even with its frustrations and challenges, serving is fulfilling! This is what we need to remember. This is what will give us courage when it comes time for recruiting church volunteers. It’s what gives us endurance when things get stressful while we’re serving.

Nearly 100% of people who serve will feel “enriched in their sense of purpose in life.” Wow… that’s a great deal! When you add to that the spiritual rewards that come from serving, people have an amazing opportunity.

Let the servolution begin!

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The Other Slippery Slope

Posted on June 23, 2011 by jasonbentley

This blog is written by Mark Johnston who serves as the lead pastor of The Journey which is a thriving church in Newark, Delaware. Pastor Mark is a brilliant, powerful next generation leader impacting the world. Other terrific insights can be found at http://yourjourney.typepad.com/mark_johnston/

Have you heard of the “slippery slope”?  It’s used to warn us that a small step in a certain direction will lead to an inevitable, rapidly escalating slide to the extreme.  Our parents started introducing us to it when we were kids:

If you keep making that expression, your face will freeze like that.

The slippery slope that leads from 30 seconds of grimacing to the permanent rearrangement of our facial structures is a stretch.  But we have others that make more sense, right?

We’re concerned about the decisions politicians make because we sense there’s a moral slippery slope at work.  We worry about whom our kids will date, the behavior of a friend that seems to be leading nowhere good, or what we will allow our boyfriend or spouse to get away with – because they’re all potential slippery slopes.  And we’ve discovered (painfully) that sin is the slipperiest of slopes – a look often becomes an act, a longing unsuppressed can lead to a life far from the one Christ intended for us, and a temper excused may quickly progress to violence and shame.

But what about the positive slippery slopes?  Why do we focus so little on the attitudes and actions that can set in motion an inevitable, rapidly escalating slide in the right direction?

If you keep praying like that, soon your faith will grow.

If you don’t stop forgiving your wife, before long she’s going to welcome grace and be transformed by it.

You know all of that hard work, relentless integrity, and consistent development of your skills is going to lead to a promotion and increased influence, right?

If you don’t want to end up with deep, quality relationships that will sustain and enrich your life, you’d better quit being so intentional about your friendships.

It’s a short step from the kind of generosity you’re starting to express to the happiness and fulfillment that eludes most people.

It’s a slippery slope all right.

You can spend your life frantically trying to avoid every possible misstep that might lead you into a moral, relational, or financial oblivion.  Or you can tenaciously pursue every right move, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time, in the direction of the abundant life God has given you through Jesus.

The choice is yours.  Just remember: it’s a slippery slope.

The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (II Peter 1:8 – NLT).

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The Big 3

Posted on June 15, 2011 by jasonbentley

As HighPoint celebrated our 4 year anniversary this past Sunday and enjoyed a wonderful day, my heart was full of gratitude.  So many miraculous things occurred to bring us to this point. Our numeric and spiritual growth? Undeniable. All parties involved, from church leaders to casual attenders, feel excited and optimistic. However, thoughts of the big 3 maintained a continual presence in my mind throughout the celebration.

The big 3? No, I’m not talking about the three superstars of the Miami Heat who were just defeated by the Dallas Mavericks in the 2011 NBA Finals. I’m sure you can figure out that I wasn’t thinking about GM, Ford, or Chrysler. Still curious? Here’s another hint: it had nothing to do with ABC, NBC, or CBS.

The big 3 for way too many around the world are what am I going to eat, when am I going to sleep, and with who am I going to have sex. I’m assuming you want your life to have a little more substance and value than that.

The heavy implications of the big 3 reach beyond our local church and affect all of us as individuals. If you want to be a success, if you want your life to count, if you want your existence to make an impact, the big 3 will be your main consideration. They are the often overlooked guides to either fulfillment or failure.

In the pursuit of significance, everyone and everything must evaluate, answer, and reevaluate 3 concepts:

  • Identity- Who am I?
  • Purpose- Why am I here?
  • Destiny- Where am I going?

Have you allowed these things to be defined by God? When you think about the organization you lead or the life you’re pursuing, do you possess the distinct awareness and reassurance that the big 3 are in harmony with the Creator’s will?

Are your current answers to the big 3 comforting? What are you going to do about it? Surrender? Strategize?

If you will be brave enough to face these issues and settle them, knowing fully that there are temporary and eternal ramifications to your outcome, you can continue in peace and confidence.

As HighPoint continues into the future, although there will be unexpected challenges and opportunities, we move forward full of faith, hope, and love.

We know who we are- a vibrant, multicultural, non denominational, Bible believing, Spirit filled faith community

We know why we’re here- to help people find and pursue the elevated life that is found exclusively in a relationship with Jesus Christ

We know where we’re going- continued growth, expansion, world wide impact and influence

The big 3 are a big deal.

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The A2 Church

Posted on June 1, 2011 by jasonbentley

The blog you are about to read is by Rev. Frank Damazio who is the lead pastor of City Bible Church, Portland, OR, as well as a prolific author, leader, and influencer. For more profound insights, visit www.frankdamazio.com

You and I are involved in the greatest plan on earth: the church. One of the most influential churches is the first century church, or the one built in Acts 2. We can glean
principles, insights, and New Testament patterns from that church and thereby
gather some of the purest set of objectives for the church today.

The “universal church” refers to the body of Christ worldwide that is joined by the Spirit to
all believers everywhere at all times, with Jesus as the head. The local church is where local believers gather together in true and spiritual harmony in one place identifying with the vision and leadership of that local church. The A2 church builder is committed to building the local church, ever mindful that the church is part of the universal body of believers.

Here are five undeniable characteristics of A2 church builders.

1. A fully devoted follower of Christ. Full devotion to Christ and His cause should be normal for every believer. To yield ourselves totally to Jesus, as the first apostles who became the A2 church builders did, is to abandon, as best we can, our goals, ambitions, selfish ideas, talents, and desires, in favor of divine plant. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we should want to become “just-say-the-word” followers of Jesus, ready to pursue His intentions.

2. Fully devoted to participating, not spectating.
These are people who take the adjectives “being added to” and “actively growing” serious. They are involved with whatever it takes to build life-giving churches that make a difference. They grasp the truth that the church is an organism, an independent community of believers who selflessly offers their various God-given talents for the purpose of furthering the ministry of the church.

3. Fully devoted to the life of giving. This person knows how to live the life of faith and is continually giving to the cause of building the A2 church and to the cause of reaching and stretching out to accomplish God’s goals. We submit our resources to Christ, to His authority, and to His use. Money management this way demonstrates a clear departure from the world’s values of status-seeking selfishness. We trust God’s promise to honor and reward His givers.

4. Fully devoted to winning the unsaved, the prodigals, and the unchurched. These people have a Jesus, “sinner-sensitive” attitude toward the lost and the unchurched. This may cause some religious nervousness in others. We should be “go” people of action, living life in such a way that we pursue ways of sharing Christ with people, sharing hope, grace, and the gospel.

5. Fully devoted to meeting the real needs of all people in Jesus’ name. If we know how to meet the needs of all people from all walks of life, we will always have capacity attendance. We will always need to grow, to add services, and add ministries.

Does your church image reflect the one modeled in Acts 2? Do you have a dream where the hurting, discouraged, depressed, frustrated, and confused people can find love,
acceptance, guidance, and encouragement?

Are you that person who committed to building the Acts 2 church?

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Seed Drop

Posted on April 25, 2011 by jasonbentley

The tallest tree in the world is a redwood that stands 367 feet, 6 inches, five stories higher than the Statue of Liberty. It’s hard to believe this tree started as a small seed, barely ¼ inch long. However, everything starts with a seed. 

What we did at HighPoint this past weekend looked like a helicopter Easter egg drop, but it was really a seed drop. We dropped over 20,000 seeds into our community. We spent around 5,000 seeds investing in lives. We planted over 4,000 seeds as we greeted, loved, and served the masses of people who came.

Are you jacked up like I am? I hope so!!! Nothing like this has ever been done in the history of our 3 year old church or in our entire surrounding community. Think about it- the volunteer staff of our church plant touched over 4,000 lives and then was repeatedly on TV in the news.

This is exciting because a seed represents potential.  Did you consider that each of these seeds could turn into a full blown relationship with God? Many of these seeds will grow into another family making the choice to formally belong to our church and enjoy Christ centered community. Believe that a number of egg drop seeds will transform into saved, fruit bearing lives. Lots of these seeds will translate into new friendships and beneficial relationships.

Undoubtedly, critics, doubters, narrow, and close minded people will look for immediate results and if they don’t appear right away will say what we did was a waste. However, a seed that is not planted is a seed that is wasted.

Never forget that you and HighPoint Church have a daily choice of what to do with our seed. According to the Bible, seed is time, talent, and treasure. Maybe it’s easier for you to understand seed as deeds, dollars, and days. Whatever the case may be, we can:

1. store it up in our barn and not sow it- Jesus did not choose and call us to be inactive, lazy, ambivalent, or apathetic
2. eat it and enjoy it right now- Jesus did not choose and call us to be greedy, self centered, and inwardly focused 
3. sow it in unfertile soil where it will not reap a good harvest- Jesus did not choose and call us to be unwise stewards
4. plant it, water it, pray over it, and wait for God to bring increase- This is what Jesus chose and called us to do

Let’s work our seed drop through to completion by following up with people, praying for them, becoming friends with them, inviting them back to our church, and caring for them.

I could not be happier for our church or more proud of our volunteer leaders. You guys proved that God already has the foundation in place at HighPoint to reach the masses and fulfill our vision! You guys showed that we’ve never had a better group of people and that our best days are ahead. You guys demonstrated that now is the time to pursue every one of God’s promises.

Let’s be faithful and diligent in our part because over time we’re going to see the seed turn into an incredible tree! God gives the increase.

 

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